Emotional Immaturity and Anger
In the past, ‘blowing off steam’ was considered a healthy form of
anger management, because it was believed to be unhealthy to keep anger bottled up inside. Unfortunately, despite
evidence that blowing up does not solve problems (and causes trauma for the others involved) some people still
believe in so-called “Healthy” expressions of anger, that often leave those at whom the anger is directed,
devastated in its wake.
People who can’t stand feeling helpless get angry instead. Anger and adrenaline gives
the illusion of being more in control of the situation, when nothing could be less true. Getting angry instead of
feeling ashamed or anxious, allows people to avoid having to deal with the real problem, but that does not make the
problem go away, so the anger just continues to spiral out of control, until it manifests itself in the most
negative aspects of poor anger management.
Some people with poor anger management skills believe they have the right to vent
their frustrations on others verbally, physically, or by breaking things. Angry outbursts don’t alleviate the
feeling of being threatened, the fear, or the sense of betrayal that hides underneath the anger. Angry people tend
to block vulnerable feelings of hurt, sadness, guilt and vulnerability, but the emotions often surface as anger,
and become a substitute emotion for the other emotions they keep buried.
A person who believes they have a right to vent anger on others
never quite matures, or grows up emotionally. They remain stuck in a child-like reactive state when they feel
frustrated, instead of responding with positive anger management methods, respond with temper tantrums, screaming,
name calling, and responses that increase anger, by causing the body to produce even more
Screaming may give a temporary relief from anger, but yelling, name
calling, and swearing never solves problems. In fact, the habit of yelling breaks down natural inhibitions that
most people have about not acting out their harmful impulses. Habitual reactions, like yelling, create pathways in
the brain making it easier for the pattern to be repeated, and gradually encroaches in every aspect of life.
Hostility breeds hostility, and open expressions of hostility harm not only everyone in the path of the rage, they
harm the person who has failed to attain a level of maturity to learn effective anger management skills most of
all, by alienating those who truly love them.